CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
