this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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