I want to have your abortion
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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