Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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