He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize