you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
