spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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