This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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