I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
