we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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