god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
please don't ironically join a cult
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