so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize