went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
