the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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