Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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