I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
