she woke up with a sticky ear
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize