once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
