I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
i've created a new STD.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
