At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
either way he was missing a nipple.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize