Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
