dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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