belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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