when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
