No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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