First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
