apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
