I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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