I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
