last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Randomize