heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Drunk walkin through police station. America
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
