I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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