i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
