so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
