shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
