I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
