I am puke
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize