Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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