I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You ruined the universe
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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