i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
