she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize