i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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