she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
