look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
