Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
