After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My balls are so social today.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
