I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize