the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
