a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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