Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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