Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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