how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
