I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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