it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
