Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
