i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
