Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I AM VODKA MAN
is that a dick in a sweater?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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