I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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