I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
