id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
