she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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