Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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