Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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