i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
