just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
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