Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
