maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
