yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
