You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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