lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
