got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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