Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
