I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
