Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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