I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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