mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
