At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
she pinky promised me she was 18
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
