i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
