She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
