Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
