We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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