yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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