I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize