no one should ever give us hovercrafts
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize