i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
