Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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