look no pants
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
MIDGETS
????
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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