I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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