I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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