Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
