I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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