i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I wish I could teleport
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
