i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So gin and wine won't be happening again
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
