the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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