oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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