Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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