Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
