Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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