The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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